Nerd is the Word
by JJ-the-Great
Summary: This is a comedy/action screenplay me and a friend written some time ago. It's about a group of freshmen high schoolers responsible for the death of the son of an angry mafian. Now the six mark on a wide-country journey to escape certain death! What could go wrong?
1. Prologue

**(Marilyn Manson's** " _ **If I Was Your Vampire"**_ **starts playing as the camera slowly opens up to a dark city in the middle of a night. The camera showcases the streets and lights for fifteen seconds before we see a three men about the age of 19 running away. They seem frighten and is looking back several times, we then cut to what appears to be three well dressed mafians chasing after him.)**

 _Mafian #1:_ GET BACK HERE!

 _Mafian #2:_ GET THEM!

 _Mafian #3:_ SHOOT THEM DOWN!

 **(The mafians gets out their guns and begins shooting at them. The mafians get lucky enough to shoot one of the running men down. The remaining man gets frightened and runs in a back alley and enter an open door. They appear to be safe.)**

 _Guy #1: *pant*_ Bro, I think we're safe….

 _Guy #2:_ Nice. Hey, let see if there's a light switch

 _?:_ There is….

 **(The lights go on and we see about eleven mafians with guns pointed at the two men, and we see the boss by the name of Master Gulio with a pistol as he talks.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ Like the money y'all owe me….

 **(The mafians start shooting at the men. The first one manages to escape as the second one unfortunately gets shot to death. The first man runs into a dark hallway and is looking for a way out. He then backs up until he encounters Sarah Gulio, Master Gulio's innocent daughter.)**

 _Guy #!:_ AH CRAP!

 _Sarah:_ SHH! I'm not here to kill you, just follow me!

 _Guy #!:_ How to I know, you're not going to pull a gun out on me?

 _Sarah:_ Cause you'd be dead by now, come on!

 **(The guy follows Sarah to an exit and opens the door, which shows him a street leading to his car.)**

 _Sarah:_ Look, there's your car, just get out of here before it's too late!

 _Guy #1:_ Gee, thanks….whoever you are...

 **(The guy runs to his car and drives away. Sarah just sighs and closes the door, but comes face-to-face with her older brother Tom. He appears to be ticked off.)**

 _Sarah:_ Oh hey, Tom…

 _Tom:_ Hello, sister. What was that all about?

 _Sarah:_ Oh, umm….

 **(Two mafians rush into the room with Sarah and Tom talking.)**

 _Mafian #1:_ Where'd he go?

 _Tom:_ Oh get this, Sarah just let the catfish back in the water.

 _Mafain #2:_ WHY?!

 _Sarah:_ Well…. he didn't deserve to die….

 _Tom:_ He kept promising money he owed us for THREE MONTHS!

 _Sarah:_ Well….paying of certain debt can take awhile. Couldn't we have a LITTLE patience?

 **(All the mafians glares at Sarah.)**

 _Sarah:_ I'll take that as a no…

 **(Master Gulio emerges in the room.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ That bastard got away! HOW DID HE ESCAPE?

 **(All the mafians look at Sarah, Master Gulio notice this and realized what happened.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ Young lady, I've had it with you! This is the THIRD TIME this month! You are GOING to learn how to function in this life!

 _Sarah:_ How? Mafian Boot Camp?

 _Master Gulio:_ No. Next week, Tom is going to take you under his wing and teach you our ways!

 _Sarah:_ But-

 _Master Gulio:_ END OF DISCUSSION!

 **(The angry face of Master Gulio freezes as the screen appears black and white, it then gets smaller and shifts to the right-hand corner as a female news anchor appears.)**

 _News Anchor:_ A terrifying even happen all thanks to the local mafia again when crime boss Haggy Gulio, aka: "Master Gulio", ordered the death of 19-year old Phillip Ridgway and his friends Mike Lynch and Don Neff. Phillip managed to escape the brutal shot out but Mike and Don weren't so lucky. Phillip has failed to be questioned, but the question is: Is there anyone out there that can take down this crime organization that has plagued our streets for so long? Anyone?

 **(All of the sudden, the screen turns black as Eazy-E's "** _ **Boyz N' Tha Hood"**_ **starts playing. Then the words "JACKPOT STUDIOS PRESENTS!" After five seconds, it disappears as "OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION" then appears. After five more seconds, "NERD IS THE WORD" appears as we are brought to the back exit of a high school and shows several students exiting the building, and then finding and entering their buses. After ten seconds of footage, the words vanish and we are taken to the inside of a bus, and the music is coming from a girl's iPod that she's listening to while she's reading** _ **The Outsiders**_ **. Then the screen shows several students (and one large juvenile bear in a blue t-shirt) seating in seats minding their own business, like listening to iPods, talking with friends, doing homework, etc. while some just enter the bus and find an available seat. In the back sit Evan and Dylan. Unlike the others, they're doing different stuff. Dylan is watching intently while Evan is closing his eyes and rolling his pair of dice in his hand. Dylan is short with wavy dark brown hair, brown eyes, black glasses with thick rims, and light skin. He is wearing a gray jacket with black stripes, with a red shirt with a Mexican cat on it, gray sweat shorts, and black shoes with green laces. Evan is average height with fair skin, curly slicked back hair that's light brown, and blue eyes. He has a gray shirt with the American flag designed on it, loose black jeans, and black Jordans with a red trim.)**

 _Evan (Voiced by Liam O'Brien):_ Come on, come on.

 _Dylan (Voiced by Brian Bloom):_ What's the decision this time?

 _Evan:_ Dinner. Trying to decide if I shall go out or not.

 _Dylan:_ Good luck with THAT!

 _Evan:_ Almighty glow dice, shall I cook for myself or shall I go out to eat?

 **(Evan tosses the dice in the air and catches them with his left hand. Then he looks at the dice (with the answer unseen.))**

 _Evan:_ Out it is!

 **(Just then, Evan's friend Ryan stumbles drunk in the bus. Which causes** _ **Boys N' Tha Hood**_ **to stop playing. Ryan is about Evan's height, a bit husky, and has bowl-cut brown hair, and soft emerald green eyes. He has a gray shirt with _Deadpool_ on it, blue jean shorts, and white sneakers with a blue trim.)**

 _Ryan (Voiced by Tom Kenny):_ EVAN!

 _Evan:_ RYAN!

 **(The two exchange fist-bumps in front of Dylan, who looks a bit unpleased by this.)**

 _Dylan:_ Who is this drunk?

 _Evan:_ This is Ryan. Ryan-Dylan, Dylan-Ryan.

 _Dylan:_ Yeah, I've seen you around.

 _Ryan:_ Yeah, me, too. Now scoot over, I gotta pop a squat.

 **(Ryan sits next to Dylan. Soon the bus starts moving to take its passengers home. Then Evan closes his eyes again and shakes the dice in his hands.)**

 _Evan:_ Okay, oh great dice of gambling, where shall I eat at?

 _Ryan:_ _ **DEEZ NUTS!**_

 **(Dylan laughs at the remark. He was beginning to approve of Ryan already. Evan just gave him a look and returned his attention to the dice. He rolls them, and finds his answer.)**

 _Evan:_ Well, East Coast Taco it is. Now, shall I bring company or dine alone watching the pretty girls eat away?

 **(The bus begins moving. Elevator music plays as the trip goes on.)**

 _Dylan:_ I think I like this a little better.

( **Dylan starts playing Schmoyoho's "** _ **Winning by Charlie Sheen**_ **.")**

 _Evan:_ Talk about a "winning" decision. _*laughs at his pun*_

 _Ryan:_ I don't get it-oh! Winning! Oh, okay! * _starts laughing after pun becomes clear*_

 **(The song plays on as the nerds quote the winning items. The normal and boring students stare at the three nerds)**

 _Ryan:_ HEY! Tell us the story!

 _Dylan:_ Of what?

 _Evan:_ The time….I KILLED MEDUSA!

 _Ryan:_ TELL US! TELL US!

 _Dylan:_ Sure, tell us.

 _Evan:_ Fine! Allow me…

 **(Evan stands up and everyone faces him as he begins to speak.)**

 _Evan:_ It happened in Algebra One...on a day quite similar to this…..

 **(The scene fades into Mrs. Greening's room where every student is seen waiting for a teacher to arrive.)**

 _Evan (v/o):_ Things were quiet. At first it seemed Greening just ditched us. That's where rebelliousness possessed the children...except yours truly.

 **(Everyone appears to be on cell phones, music players, or pads, where Evan seemed to be leaning back looking at the door. Then Mr. Frye steps in and everyone freezes. He seems to have a paranoid look on his face.)**

 _Mr. Frye:_ Everyone. So it appears Mrs. Greening had to leave due to a family emergency and Ms. Janoski is out sick. So they left me in charge since no substitutes could be reached at this time. And please keep in mind my son has the flu so I might seem a bit scattered. So….please turn to-

 **(Medusa bursts through the door, and Mr. Frye runs for it.)**

 _Mr. Frye:_ LIZARD LADY! HOLY CRAP!

 **(Mr. Frye jumps through a window. Two girls sitting near it walk towards it and look down at Mr. Frye.)**

 _Mr. Frye (v/o):_ I'm okay! AH! I'm just gonna take a nap for a sec….

 **(The two girls turn around and Medusa's eyes glows as she gives them a stare, turning to two poor ladies to stone. Then she looks at more random students, turning them all to statues. As she's having fun, Evan is seen behind a trashcan moving slowly away from her.)**

 _Evan (v/o):_ I may be part a special line of Orthodoxs, which makes me immune to her dark greek magic. But I AM bit of a coward. So I waited for a perfect time to strike.

 **(Every student in the classroom (except for Evan) is seen turned to stone. And Medusa is admiring her work.)**

 _Medusa:_ HA HA HA HA! Ohh..you all look so beautiful… _*motions towards girl*_ You...so pretty, so fair, you're one of my favorites I've made… _*move towards boy*_ And you...so manly and muscled, you would add quite well to my family. Now- hey wait a second, wasn't there another one?

 **(Medusa notices as the trashcan flips over and turns towards it.)**

 _Medusa:_ So you think you can hide from me and get away with it?! You are going to-

 **(Medusa lifts the trashcan, only to find a note saying "Gotcha Bitch!". Evan is then seen with a glowing gold Rubber Chicken. Then the scene turns black and white and everything freezes, then Evan's voice is heard.)**

 _Evan (v/o):_ It at the moment Medusa knew… She fucked up!

 **(Evan smacks off Medusa's head as she screams in pain. Evan then kneels over, grabs the head, and holds it up in triumph. He then puts it in a bag, he then looks at his former classmates, whom are still statues.)**

 _Evan:_ Did….any of you see this? Yes?

 **(The statutes say nothing.)**

 _Evan:_ Anything?

 **(Cricket noises are heard.)**

 _Evan:_ Aww….so you're all dead? Dang…. a rough way to die, guess all your parents would be heartbroken. Hmm…

 **(Evan puts hand on chin, thinking.)**

 _Evan:_ I wonder what their doing in the afterlife?

 **(We then cut to heaven, which appears as a realm of lightness and darkness towards the left. The students who were turned to stone walk on a golden road as they all look around.)**

 _Male Student:_ Wha..? What happened?

 _Female Student:_ Last I remember, Mr. Frye jumped out the window and then I saw a glowing green light and my body just….. froze. Felt weird.

 _Another Female Student:_ Wait? Are we dead?!

 _Another Male Student:_ I-I think we are!

 **(God's voice is heard.)**

 _God (v/o):_ Children of Cariston High School! I am the god of all things living and holy. It is my duty to welcome and congratulate you for making it to heaven! Do you have entry payment?

 _All Students:_ PAYMENT?!

 _God (v/o):_ Keeping up with heaven ain't free, you know.

 **(The scene cuts back to Evan thinking. Then Mr. Frye comes running in.)**

 _Mr. Frye: *pant* *pant*_ Sorry about that, I was- What? What happened here?

 _Evan:_ Long story short, Medusa. Girls turned to stone and then so did everyone else. I wiped out Medusa with a rubber chicken.. It's dead. The end.

 _Mr. Frye:_ Okay. Umm….Should we tell the principal that some students have died?

 _Evan:_ Hmm…. What about their parents? And should the school make funeral arrangements?

 _Mr. Frye:_ Who cares? They're paying!

 **(The two laugh and fist-bump. Then they're silent for a moment.)**

 _Mr. Frye:_ So, wanna grab a burger?

 _Evan:_ Eh. What the heck?

 **(The two walk out. And Evan's voice narrates.)**

 _Evan (v/o):_ Then there I was…. enjoying a double bacon cheeseburger with a Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper and that is how the tale ends….

 **(Evan is shown ending the tale, and everyone on the bus claps, some whistle, some tear up either because his story was so beautiful or one of their friend was one of Medusa's victims that day.)**

 _Dylan:_ Absolutely marvelous, Evan.

 **(Bus pulls up to Evan's stop.)**

 _Dylan:_ Well, see ya, Evan!

 _Evan:_ Bye! _*salutes*_

 **(Evan gets up with a few other kids. Evan waves, but Medusa's head was in his hand, and one of the girls is caught looking and suddenly turned to stone. Evan quickly puts away the head and the kids glare angrily at Evan.)**

 _Evan:_ haha, woops!


	2. Suffolk

**The next day….**

 **(The bell rings. Students flood out of the building. A black car containing Tom and Sarah drive in while Dylan, Ryan, and Evan are walking.)**

 _Tom:_ Watch and learn, Sarah. You gotta change.

 _Sarah:_ I know, but killing….it's just wrong.

 _Tom:_ You have mafian blood in you, killing is always the answer. Look see those boys over there?

 _Sarah: *notices and gasps*_ You're not-

 _Tom:_ Yes I am. Watch this….

 **(Tom gets out of the car as Sarah is about to stop him. Tom approaches the three characters.)**

 _Tom:_ Hey there. Pepsi or Coke?

 _Dylan:_ Coke. Pepsi's crap.

 **(Tom quickly pulls out a gun.)**

 _Tom:_ Wrong answer….

 **(Ryan, Dylan and Evan see this and dodges three shots.)**

 _Dylan:_ C'mon guys! Let's split!

 **(The three nerds get onto their bus and it leaves. Tom runs back to his car and drives after the bus and avoids Sarah's questions and begging. Few minutes later…)**

 _Dylan:_ Oh crap….

 _Ryan:_ What is it?

 **(Dylan points to car behind them.)**

 _Evan:_ It's that shady guy!

 **(Shady guy shoots through window.)**

 _Dylan:_ Duck!

 **(The group ducks. Ryan is seen giving Tom the middle finger. He attempts to shoot back, but the bus moves.)**

 _Evan:_ I know what to do.

 _Ryan:_ What?

 **(Evan takes Ryan's binder. The bus stops at a stoplight. Tom grins and cocks his gun.)**

 _Evan: Hiya!_

 **(Evan throws Ryan's binder out the window. It busts through Tom's front window and knocks him out. Tom's car swerves onto the side of the road, and explodes. Time slows down and turns gray, then the word "WASTED!" appears in red lettering for a few seconds. Then time goes back to normal and everything gets back into color.)**

 _Evan:_ _ **WASTED!**_

 _Dylan:_ Nice shot, Evan!

 _Ryan:_ Phew….

 **(We then cut into the damaged car, and from the passenger door, Sarah appears, wiping dust from her dress. Then she hears a faint voice calling for her. She realises it's Tom's voice and rushes over to the driver's door and gets him out. He appears bleeding and bruised.)**

 _Sarah:_ NO! NO, BROTHER! Oh no, oh no.

 _Tom:_ Sister…..it's so cold.

 _Sarah:_ Yeah, cause….it's winter.

 **(Tom smacks her face weakly.)**

 _Tom:_ NO! I'm dying!

 **(Tom coughs weakly, despite his sister's pleas. He limps and dies after a final breath. She shouts "NOOO!" in the skies and looks straight up.)**

 _Sarah:_ H...How am I going to explain this to dad?!

 **(She runs off. And then we cut back to the bus, where students are praising Evan for his heroic deed.)**

 _Student:_ Great job! You pwned that guy!

 _Another Student:_ Yeah, but why was he chasing us in the first place?

 _Ryan:_ Because Dylan here said Coke was better than Pepsi.

 _Dylan:_ But it is!

 _Student:_ Yeah. That's pretty dumb, though. Chasing kids over PEPSI? Come on!

 **(Everyone agrees.)**

 _Ryan:_ I say toast! To our bravery and immortality!

 **(Everyone gets out Coca-Cola bottles that Ryan gave out and holds them in the air.)**

 _Everyone:_ CHEERS!

 **(Everyone hits their bottles with each others and drink. Later, we cut to a funeral where all of the Mafia is attending. A picture of Tom is seen next to a coffin holding Tom's body. We then cut to a dark night where the coffin is sinking down to the ground with a grave inscripted "THOMAS GULIO." We then cut in a party where everyone is talking quietly and Master Gulio is seen sitting down to a table and several members are talking to him about his loss.)**

 _Mafian:_ Tom….was a good man. He could definitely take over if you were gone.

 _Master Gulio:_ Indeed. He was a good son.

 _Mafian:_ I hope whoever had the balls to do this can burn in hell!

 _Master Gulio:_ I hope so, too. Thank you.

 **(The two shake hands and another member comes up to talk to him, but another Mafian comes up to him and whispers something in Master Gulio's ear. After he's done, Master Gulio gets up and excuses himself from the conversation. He and the member walk to a window and the two begin talking.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ Ignazio, what is the news?

 _Ignazio:_ Master Gulio. We have been digging upon on Tom's death and we have found quite a few things you might want to look into. But first, how's Sarah doing?

 _Master Gulio:_ Not so good. She keeps saying it should have been her that died instead of Tom. She doesn't take death too well.

 _Ignazio:_ Is that why she wouldn't participate in the assassinations? Or does she not want to take over?

 _Master Gulio:_ Yes, she wants to become a veterinarian due to her soft spot in animals. Tom was out with her to teach her the ways of the Mafia to knock some sense into her.

 _Ignazio:_ Well, hopefully this would make her want to kill. BECAUSE…...we know who killed Tom!

 **(Ignazio pulls out a picture of Dylan, Ryan, and Evan celebrating over their heroic deed.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ What? Three TEENAGERS killed my son? Oh, this is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen, even for Tom!

 _Ignazio:_ But hold on, there's more to them than you think.

 _Master Gulio:_ Tell me more.

 _Ignazio:_ There names are Ryan Abraham, Evan Neal, and Dylan Pruitt..

 _Master Gulio:_ Are they runaways? Warrants of the state?

 _Ignazio:_ No and no. Apparently, Ryan is a drunk who attempts to woo ladies who are WAY out of his league, Evan is a slayer of the unknown almost a manipulator of reality itself, and Dylan is a man with a plan. A funny thing about Ryan is he won't go out with GIRLS he has a chance with. We know quite a bit on Ryan and Evan, but this Dylan…..we'll have to see.

 _Master Gulio:_ …...Find them. And bring them to me…...ALIVE!

 _Ignazio:_ Yes, straight away. heh, heh, heh…

 **(We then cut to the next day. With Evan and Ryan walking in the hallway.)**

 _Evan:_ I'm telling you, Han Solo is NOT coming back to life in the next Star Wars Movie. Sure, he might come as a ghost, but not an actual HUMAN BEING!

 _Ryan:_ But he will come back!

 _Evan:_ Oh really?

 **(Dylan comes into the conversation.)**

 _Dylan:_ I wish something exciting would happen.

( **Mafia leaders named Greg and Bob point to Ryan, Evan, and Dylan from afar.)**

 _Greg:_ Look, that's him!

 _Bob:_ Who? The three kids?

 _Greg:_ Worse, Justin Bieber!

 **(The two start laughing.)**

 _Bob:_ What do we do? What do we do?

 _Greg:_ Here's a gun. We've gotta kill it.

 **(Bob fires a gun upwards. Everyone runs away but Dylan, Ryan, and Evan, who don't notice it. A policeman comes on the scene, pulls out his gun and fires at the two. Greg ducks and shoots back. Dylan sees what's happening and tells Ryan and Evan. They back off and run away. Bob and Greg both fire at the policeman. The policeman barely dodges the shots. They all fire and the policeman talks into a walkie-talkie.)**

 _Policeman:_ I need donuts and backup, ASAP!

 _Radio Dispatch:_ Copy. Ordering from Dunkin Donuts now….

 **(After a few minutes, two backup cops sneak behind Greg. They knock him down and put him at gunpoint.)**

 _Greg:_ MURDER! HELP! I'm DYING! CALL THE POL-oh, wait, it is the police…..

 _Other Policemen:_ You have the right to Shut Up.

 **(While Bob is distracted, another policeman runs up to him and kicks him in the nuts, subduing him.)**

 _Evan:_ What the hell?

 _Ryan:_ Haha. Wimps.

 _Dylan:_ We gotta roll! This is trifling!

 _Ryan:_ Yeah..

 _Dylan:_ See? The king of trifling agrees. Let's split!

 **(Evan, Ryan, and Dylan run off as the gunfight stops. The cops are seen carrying Bob's body as Greg is seen in handcuffs getting hauled away. As the police car drives away, News reporters are seen filming about the unexpected gunfight between Cops and the Mafia. As that's over with, a mysterious black car is on the side of the road, with an angered Master Gulio watching.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ THIS IS BULLSHIT!

 **(Master Gulio calls some more members in.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ Hey, get some more people here now, or you'll regret it.

 _Mafian voice (v/o)_ : Yessir.

 **(Five minutes later, six Mafians attack the police in the parking lot. A brutal gunfight ensues. While the police are distracted, three Mafians split up to find Dylan, Ryan, and Evan. Near the end of the school day, two mafians enter Mrs. Patterson's room. The two pull out guns, and Evan stands up and pulls out his rubber chicken.**

 _Evan:_ Come to papa!

 **(The Mafians throws their guns away and get out rubber chickens as well.)**

 _Evan:_ Ah… F %#!

 **(The Mafia men and Evan jump and clash weapons. Meanwhile, one mafian named Gey enters Mrs. Torres's room.)**

 _Mrs. Torres:_ Who are you?

 _Gey:_ Gey..

 **(The whole class laughs at him, and he pulls out a gun.)**

 _Gey:_ NO ONE LAUGHS AT MY NAME!

 **(Everyone holds their hands in the air in submit, but Dylan just laughs and speaks to Gey.)**

 _Dylan:_ Hey, so what's it like being out of the closet?

 _Gey:_ OH, YOU-Hey, wait. You're that Dylan kid.

 _Dylan:_ The One and Only.

 _Gey:_ _*motions gun*_ You're coming with m, kid.

 **(Dylan kicks the gun out of his hand.)**

 _Dylan:_ I don't think so!

 **(Dylan hits Gey in the stomach with a Biology textbook.)**

 _Gey:_ Agghhhhhh!

 **(Dylan finds the gun. Gey pulls out a knife and charges at Dylan. Then the scene cuts back to Evan and the Mafia. They are in a really close rubber chicken battle and Ryan is seen hiding under a chair.)**

 _Ryan:_ Hey! A gun that mafian dropped.

 **(He then runs towards the gun and aims behind the men.)**

 _Ryan:_ My time to shine…

 **(Ryan fires. A Mafian gets hit and crumples over. The other turns around and deflects the bullets with his rubber chicken and walks towards Ryan. )**

 _Ryan:_ I'm out of ammo! This isn't good….

 **(As the Mafian is about to slice Ryan, Evan comes up behind him and smacks off the Mafian's head. The Mafian tumbles dead and shows a grinning Evan.)**

 _Evan:_ Talk about Deja Vu.

 **(The scene switches back to Dylan. Dylan looks behind him and almost dodges the knife in time.)**

 _Dylan:_ That's a nasty scrape….

 **(Gey turns around, infuriated. Dylan remembers the gun and pulls it out. Gey gets down on the floor, begging, "Please, don't harm me! I love my life! You can't it away from me!" Dylan grins and cocks the gun.)**

 _Dylan:_ You'd do great in drama club…..

 **(He shoots Gey three times in the head and the class cheers for Dylan's heroic deed and the same cheering is heard in Mrs. Patterson's room for Evan and Ryan. Dylan goes to Mrs. Patterson's room.)**

 _Dylan:_ Mafians for you guys too? Man, we are WINNING it today!

 _Ryan:_ I-I-I-I'm on a-

 _Dylan:_ Shut up! There's probably still more of them here!

 _Evan:_ He's right. I wonder how the police are doing?

 **(The police are shown in the camera room laughing and eating donuts, unaware more Mafians are entering the school. The scene cuts back to Dylan, Evan, and Ryan.)**

 _Evan:_ Well, we gotta hide.

 _Dylan:_ Yeah, or we're toast!

 _Ryan:_ TOAST?!

 **(Evan and Dylan smack Ryan's head.)**

 _Dylan:_ I think I know a way out! FOLLOW ME!

 **(Dylan runs into the elevator. Ryan and Evan follow. Then the scene cuts to elevator opening on first floor.)**

 _Dylan:_ To the….uh…..I don't really know where to go.

 **(Dylan looks and sees a tour bus.)**

 _Dylan:_ C'mon, Guys!

 **(They run on the bus. The bus leaves. But when they turn around. Lewis Outland, Christian** **Wainright** **, and** **Khalil Cooke are on the bus. Lewis has a baseball bat, Christian has a flail, and Khalil has a tranquilizer gun. They point their weapons at Evan, Ryan, and Dylan.)**

 _Lewis, Christian, and Khalil:_ RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

 _Evan, Ryan, and Dylan:_ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 _Lewis, Christian, and Khalil:_ WHA-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 _Evan:_ WHAT THE F %#?!

 **(Evan then recognizes the three weapon-wielder strangers as his friends from Spanish class and greets them.)**

 _Evan:_ LEWIS! CHRISTIAN! KHALIL! What are you doing here?

 _Lewis (Voiced by Gideon Emery):_ Well we heard gunfire and high-tailed it outta there.

 _Khalil (Voiced by Phil LaMarr):_ As such. We found this bus thought this would be a good hiding place.

 _Christian (Voiced by JB Blanc):_ Yeah. Wait- Who's driving this?

 **(They all turn around and find a Mafian driving the bus who points a gun at the six.)**

 _Mafian:_ Hello there. Hehehe….

 _Dylan:_ Who's driving if you're pointing a gun at us?

 _Mafian:_ I'M driving, you imbecile. There's a thing called Multi-tasking!

 **(Khalil calmly walks up to the Mafian while he's still driving. The Mafian shoots but Khalil hits the Mafian's gun and shoots his tranquilizer gun at the Mafian, putting him to sleep. He then throws the mafian out the bus's window, and takes the wheel.)**

 _Dylan:_ Go Khalil!

 _Ryan:_ Yeah!

 _Evan:_ The second wasted this week!

 _Khalil:_ Well, where do you guys wanna go?

 _Dylan:_ How about Richmond?

 _Christian:_ Nah. Let's go to Mexico City!

 _Lewis:_ No way I'm going out of the border.

 _Khalil:_ Mount Rushmore?

 _Evan:_ Sounds interesting. But maybe we should go to a lesser known area? We ARE basically on the run at the moment.

 _Dylan:_ There's a comic book convention in Seattle, Washington.

 _Ryan:_ OH boy! C'mon let's go to the China! I mean Mount Rushmore! I'm so excited!

 _Christian:_ Is he ALWAYS like this?

 **(Dylan and Evan nod.)**

 _Christian:_ Any objections?

 _Lewis:_ Nope.

 _Khalil:_ Then it's official, We're going to Washington!

 _Evan:_ Excellent. I use to live in Washington, maybe we could find my old Elementary School or even my old home in Auburn!

 **(Everyone agrees.)**

 _Khalil:_ But maybe we should stop and pick-up a few things. Quick, does everyone have their wallets?

 **(Everyone raises their hands.)**

 _Dylan:_ Okay, let's go!

 **(They turn to get on the interstate. But nobody notices Master Gulio and a sobbing Sarah in the car behind them.)**

 _Sarah:_ I'm going to kill them….no...only….that thing named…...Dylan.

 **(Sarah shivers.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ Don't worry, my darling. They will pay from their murder. _*to self*_ What a whiny brat..

 _Sarah:_ Just wondering, who do you hate the most?

 _Master Gulio:_ I guess Dylan. He looks up to no good. He definitely looks like trouble. Although, that Evan kid does too. Ryan isn't that much of a threat, though, he looks like an idiot.

 _Sarah:_ He sure is. He babbles on about retarded things.

 _Master Gulio:_ And according to Ignazio, they now have some guys named Lewis, Christian, and Khalil on their side. So together, they are powerful. We should try and split 'em up?

 **(The scene returns to the bus, Khalil is still driving while Evan, Dylan, Christian, and Lewis are all spread out in different seats. Dylan and Ryan are seated in the all the way back where the back exit is. They're looking out the window and Dylan sees Sarah.)**

 _Dylan:_ Hey, Ryan, isn't that girl back there the one who you rejected and then dated?

 _Lewis:_ Hold up, no offense to both of you, but a GIRL ACTUALLY LIKED YOU?

 **(Dylan grins)**

 _Dylan:_ Yeah, she was cute, too. And Ryan rejected her.

 _Khalil:_ BOY, why'd you reject the one cute girl who liked you?

 _Ryan:_ I...I..I….

 **(Ryan hides his face in shame while Dylan just waves to Sarah.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ You know him?

 _Sarah:_ Yeah, I dated him.

 _Master Gulio:_ Say whaaatttt?

 _Sarah:_ Yeah, I dated him. That's right.

 _Master Gulio:_ Hm…. Maybe we can use that somehow…..hehehe….

 _Sarah:_ What? Dad, are you gonna kill him?

 _Master Gulio:_ Maybe….

 **(Sarah starts sobbing. And we cut back to the bus.)**

 _Evan:_ Ey, I dated her, too. She cheated on me with some mexican. _*cough*_ Fernando _*cough.*_

 _Christian:_ Wow…..I DATED HER, TOO!

 _Lewis:_ Wait, wait. Raise your hand if you dated a chick named Sarah!

 **(Everyone raises their hand.)**

 _Khalil:_ Holy…

 _Dylan:_ Looking back, I guess a girl liking me was a bit far-fetched.

 **(Dylan curls up into a ball in the back seat of the bus, but then remembers something.)**

 _Dylan:_ Hey guys! I just remembered I bought _**Doritos**_! Who wants some?

 **(Everyone raises their hands. As that goes on, Willie Nelson's "** _ **On The Road Again"**_ **plays throughout as sequences of the bus being driven shows. Then the camera shows several events happening in the bus such as the teens eating Doritos, watching funny videos, looking at pictures of girls they know in school. As the song's guitar solo ends, the music fades away and the camera shows the mysterious black car following the bus with Master Gulio and Sarah, Gulio is talking in a walkie-talkie from the radio.)**

 _Master Gulio: *on radio*_ Alright, commence Operation: Annihilate. Find the group consisting of Ryan Abraham, Evan Neal, Dylan Pruitt, Lewis Outland, Khalil Cooke, and Christian Wainright.

 _Mafian on Radio (v/o):_ We found 'em, Master.

 _Master Gulio:_ Excellent, now we should follow them ,and a series of intense battles are expected. So be prepared for anything.

 _Mafian on Radio (v/o):_ We have 19 guns and a ton of C4s. Anything else, sir?

 _Master Gulio:_ Yes. Do I have insurance on those cars?

 _Mafian on Radio (v/o):_ Uhhhhh…. yeah I think so.

 _Master Gulio:_ Alright. I'm pulling over now, have everyone meet me in the following coordinates.

 **(Master Gulio pulls over and the bus carries on into the interstate. Scene cut back to bus)**

 _Christian:_ So what's the plan? Get drunk and go to Washington State?

 _Lewis:_ Well first I say we find a better bus.

 _Evan:_ What's the problem this bus?

 _Lewis:_ It's not a PARTY BUS.

 _Dylan:_ You mean of those rides with lights and stripper poles?

 _Lewis:_ Yep.

 _Ryan:_ Why do we need poles?

 _Lewis:_ In case we meet any nice ladies, of course!

 _Khalil:_ You know, I know a good food truck station around this area. Maybe we can steal a food truck and we can have any all you can eat buffet, maybe even sale somethings to make extra money!

 _Dylan:_ Good idea.

 _Evan:_ Interesting.

 _Christian:_ NAH! We're already on the run from the Mafia, why be on the run from anything else?

 _Lewis:_ Plus, with a different bus, they'll never find us!

 _Dylan:_ I agree with Christian ,we probably need the cops on our side. Maybe they confiscated a bus we could use?

 _Ryan:_ Or there's an RV place down the street.

( **Everyone agrees on this. Cuts scene to RV place.)**

 _Salesman:_ Welcome to Gary's RVs!

 _Dylan:_ Can we rent an RV?

 _Salesman:_ Why, yes, young man, for only $150!

 **(The police arrive on the scene.)**

 _Policeman:_ Hey buddy, forget to pay your bills?

 _Salesman:_ F %#!

 **(Salesman is taken away.)**

 _Dylan:_ So…. can we still borrow an RV?

 _Officer:_ Sure. You know what? Just take one. We don't care.

 _Ryan:_ Are you serious?

 _Officer:_ Yeah. This guy is gonna lose his business anyway. 'Sides, heard about you six on the news. I'm happy to help you guys out.

( **Switch scene to Dylan at the Food Lion.)**

 _Dylan:_ Doritos, check. Cola, check. Sarah, check. Wait a minute. Sarah?

 _Sarah:_ Oh, hey, Dylan…..

 _Dylan:_ Tell me, Sarah. What's it like having six boyfriends?

 _Sarah:_ Wait? How do you know about the Evan, the Lewis, the Christian, the Khalil, the Fernando, even the itty bitty Ryan?

 _Dylan:_ Read the news, woman? You've dated, and even probably done horrible things too, to all of my friends, except for Ryan, and they all told me about it.

 _Master Gulio: *from a distant aisle*_ Is Sarah trying to get guys again? I've gotta stop this.

 **(Master Gulio stomps over to confront Sarah, only to find Dylan.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ Sarah you….well, well, well, just the man I've been looking for…..

 _Dylan:_ Master Gulio. At first, I thought you were just another of Sarah's many boyfriends.

 _Master Gulio:_ Just how many boyfriends have you had, Sarah?

 _Dylan:_ IT'S OVER 9000!

 _Master Gulio:_ So you would rather date as many guys as you can than be a part of our Mafia Organization? I disown you, child.

 _Sarah:_ But dad…

 _Master Gulio:_ Get OUTTA here!

 **(Sarah walks away. Leaving only Dylan and Master Gulio in the scene.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ We will meet again, Dylan. I would kill you now, but I'm in a rush because it's poker night.

 _Dylan:_ Respectable, but I WILL defeat you!

 **(Dylan walks outside. Outside, Sarah is sitting down, crying.)**

 _Dylan:_ Sarah…

 _Sarah:_ What do YOU want?

 _Dylan:_ Why didn't you tell me about your other five boyfriends?

 **(Sarah gets mad at Dylan.)**

 _Sarah:_ You're not special, you know. You're nothing! Nothing! My other boyfriends weren't special either. I just wanted someone to love me, unlike my dad. And now, you've ruined it all!

( **In the bus, Evan points to Dylan and Sarah.)**

 _Evan:_ Hey look! It's Sarah and Dylan.

 **(Khalil, Ryan, Lewis, and Christian all poke their head out and watches as Sarah throws Dylan onto the parking lot.)**

 _Dylan:_ Agghhhh….

 _Sarah:_ You IDIOT! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!

 _Dylan: *whispering to self*_ You know, I hate to do this, but…

 **(Dylan kicks Sarah in the stomach.)**

 _Sarah:_ What was that for?

 _Dylan:_ For cheating on me with five other guys! I get that you want love, but six people? Come on! That's the highway to hell!

 **(AC/DC's** " _ **Highway To Hell"**_ **as a fight scene between Sarah and Dylan erupts. After 18 seconds of fighting, Sarah punches Dylan to the ground, but he rolls out and kicks Sarah in the face and she stumbles back.. Master Gulio, who just walked outside notices this and smiles.)**

 _Dylan:_ I'm out. I'm going to get a girlfriend who isn't a hoe. Good riddance!

( **Dylan gets on the RV. He is applauded by everyone else. Dylan goes to the back of the bus and lies down. Lewis approaches him.)**

 _Lewis:_ Got those cigarettes I asked for?

 _Evan (vo):_ And my mints?

 _Dylan:_ Okay, jeez. Christian, here's your budweiser; Evan, your mints; Lewis, you prized cigars that burned a hole in my pocket, literally and financially; Khalil, your Coke; Ryan, your gum; And me, my chips.

 _Christian:_ All set. Khalil! Punch It!

 **(Khalil starts the fresh RV and they drive off. Sarah, who was still on the ground, slowly gets up and comes face-to-face with her father.)**

 _Sarah:_ My father! I beg you to forgive me. I was-

 **(Master Gulio slowly claps and smiles.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ My young daughter. You have just impressed me. I take back my earlier comment and beg for forgiveness. I see you as the head of the group in your future if I were to pass into the afterlife.

 _Sarah:_ Okay, Dad. I'm ready to exterminate. I'm gonna kill Dylan, Evan, Ryan, Christian, Lewis, and Khalil. Woah… I just did that in one breath.

 _Master Gulio:_ You're the best girl a father could ask for. The members should be here any moment. We will find them and finally avenge your fallen brother's death!

 _Sarah:_ I'm ready, Dad. Ready for anything…

 _Master Gulio:_ That's my girl!


	3. Charleston

**(One day later… In Charleston, South Carolina. In the RV, Evan is seen driving, Christian, Ryan, Lewis, Khalil, and Dylan are seen sitting in their beds or the chair provided for the dining table.)**

 _Ryan:_ Are we there yet?

 _Lewis:_ No, Ryan. We're in...uh…. _*checks map*_ was it North or South Carolina?

 _Khalil:_ South Carolina, I think.

 **(Evan turns left. We then cut to a first-person view in bachelors. A voice is heard, presumably a mafian.)**

 _Voice (v/o):_ Right where you want them sir.

 **(Cuts back to third-person view, where Mafians jump onto the street, surrounding the bus.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ Yes, finally.

 **(Scene back to the bus. Where Evan just so happens to put on Lamb of God's "** _ **Desolation"**_ **as it now plays during the car battle.)**

 _Ryan:_ MORE Mafians?

 _Dylan:_ Yep.

 _Christian:_ Get down!

 **(All the Mafians fire at the RV. The RV starts smoking.)**

 _Evan:_ Guys, our only chance of this RV not exploding is to get outta here!

 _Khalil:_ I'm on it.

 **(Khalil takes the wheel. Two Mafians in the front of the bus just barely missed being run over. We see the bus go on a bridge, dodging cars. The mafia is on the heels.)**

 _Evan:_ Don't worry, I got this.

 **(Evan rushes over under Ryan's bed and pulls out an AK-47.)**

 _Dylan:_ Woah, where'd you get that?

 _Evan:_ Cops gave it to me. They thought it come in handy!

 **(Cuts to scene where the policeman is scratching his head after finding an "IOU" note in the car trunk. The scene cuts back to Dylan and Evan.)**

 _Dylan:_ Let me see it.

 **(Dylan takes the gun, and starts firing out the back window. One out of seven mafians is hit. His car swerves and goes over the bridge. The car falls on some rapids and explodes, eliminating two other mafians..)**

 _Dylan:_ I'm out of ammo!

 _Evan:_ No worries. I got spares!

 **(Evan tosses ammo to Dylan.)**

 _Dylan:_ Thanks!

 **(Dylan starts firing again, hitting one mafian whose car loses control and falls of the bridge. A mafia car with Master Gulio and two mafians pull up. Then Christian goes into a backpack and pulls out three handguns. Dylan notices that.)**

 _Dylan:_ Time to take this flight….up a notch.

 **(Dylan climbs out the emergency exit, leaps onto Master Gulio's car, and starts firing at Master Gulio's car's hood as Christian, Evan, and Ryan takes the guns and shoots and several back Mafia cars. The hood on Master Gulio's car starts breaking apart, and Dylan leaps back onto the RV.)**

 _Lewis:_ I can help you, buddy!

 **(Lewis sticks his hand out the window and pours gasoline on the hood and drops a flaming cigar on the hood. catching it on fire. Master Gulio gets out of the car quickly and jumps to a nearby Mafia car.)**

 _Ryan:_ Hit it!

 **(Dylan takes the wheel from Khalil. The bus zooms off the bridge just before a huge explosion is caused by Gulio's car.)**

 _Dylan:_ So those cigars WERE useful after all...Nice..

 **(Everyone cheers. It then shows on top of the bus an angry Sarah, holding a knife.)**

 _Evan:_ So, what's next?

 **(A puncture is seen on the bus roof and it cuts into a circle before Sarah drops in, literally.)**

 _Dylan:_ Hello!

 **(Christian pulls out the AK-47 and Evan pulls out a rubber chicken.)**

 _Christian:_ You're not welcome here.

 **(Ryan pounces on top of Sarah with a baseball bat and brings her to the ground.)**

 _Ryan:_ Yeah!

 **(Evan takes her knife and smacks her with his rubber chicken.)**

 _Dylan:_ We should keep Sarah as a hostage. Gulio isn't about to kill us here when his daughter's here.

 **(We then see Master Gulio on a car roof with a missile launcher and radio, hearing their conversation from a chip he implanted within his daughter.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ Or would he?

 **(Sarah is then seen tied up in the back of the bus, Ryan keeps giving her glares and Evan keeps hitting her with his rubber chicken. Master Gulio just laughs, and fires two missiles at the bus.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ They can't possibly see this coming!

( **The bus enters a tunnel and the missiles explode on the tunnel's entrance. Master Gulio barely makes it into his car and the tunnel.)**

 _Lewis:_ Ah crap! We're hit!

 _Khalil:_ What are we gonna do? The RV is getting slower.

 _Dylan:_ We should hijack Master Gulio's car.

 _Evan:_ And how are we gonna do that?

 _Lewis:_ Let me show you.

 **(Master Gulio's car pulls up behind them.)**

 _Lewis:_ Stop the RV!

 **(Khalil stops the RV and Lewis gets out and goes up to Master Gulio.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ You...

 _Lewis:_ Yep.

 **(Lewis throws Gulio out of the car and pulls up beside the RV.)**

 _Lewis:_ See? Get in, guys.

 _Dylan:_ Should we put the hostage in the trunk?

 _Ryan:_ Nah, just leave her in the bus.

 _Dylan:_ Okay, let's go!

 **(The nerds and co. jump out from the RV and land inside the car and they drive out of the tunnel. We cut back to Gulio.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ This is really not my day…But, I can steal their RV!

 **(Master Gulio starts up the RV. It slowly starts to drive.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ This was too easy.

 **(The RV breaks down.)**

 _Master Gulio:_ SON OF A (BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP)!


End file.
